British Gordo Transcribed

When I first heard this British Gordo bit a year and a half ago, I was immediately in awe of the character and the talent required to present it. There through the radio, we heard him describe a street scene “touched and swaddled by wonder, and yes, just a pickle of bewilderment.”  The  display of verbosity and pitch-perfect British earnestness was hilarious and amazing. It was indeed a “verbal firehose” (as Gordo described it), that requires repeated listening and in-depth examination. We finally got that chance today as British Gordo, Baron of Bits and Lord of the Donut, was re-aired during the 8:40 bit. While not specifically soccer-related, one can acknowledge the obvious ties to soccer, as England is, of course, the birthplace and defacto home of the sport the rest of the world calls football.

Here now is the transcript of the classic British Gordo bit, which clocks in at 152.8 words per minute. (One can only imagine what the transcriptionist at was thinking as the words “Why this clear tommyrot of use of power structure in which we experience the visage of the…structurally-altered owner of the Dallas football club” were being transcribed.)

##Begin transcription##

British Gordo:  I’m British Gordo here, son of James, Earl of Deethouse, Baron of Bits, and Lord of the Donut. I’m indeed here, stationed and situated on the bitumen of the dynamic district of Waterloo, tucked in the bustling borough of Lambeth, a mere one kilometer from Charring Cross. The street scene here is one touched and swaddled by wonder, and yes, just a pickle of bewilderment. Yes, there is also almost a sudden and unforecasted malaise that has descended onto our commons, saturating it in disgruntled madness in response and, daresay preparation, for the football match to be commenced and executed on the pitch of Wembley, a mere matter of hours from this, our time, our place in history.

I’m of course speaking of the Dallas Cowboys and the football Jaguars. Let me just say, it is my duty to report that in this reporter’s view, Londoners are no longer besotted by the Dallas Cowboys. I believe that this is due to one Antonio Romo, the pitchman and field marshal of the Cowboy regimen. He has fallen ill. He has held scenes situated in a condition best described as “a bit off”. Will the understudy, Brandon Weeden, ascend to the perch once called “the most coveted in all of sport”? Not in the entirety of human of endeavors has a controversy of such elephantine proportions plunged a nation into such a panic.

Do you think young Brandan Carr would be the potion needed for the witch’s brew required for an unbroken contagion of Cowboy laurels afforded only to those who emerge as victors? That is the question that I put to you, sir. Brandon Weeden, what do you think?

Woman: Sorry?

British Gordo:  Do I have to repeat the whole thing? Brandon Weeden, do you think he will ascend to the perch that Tony Romo once commanded so well for the Dallas Cowboys, and will he bring this team to victory?

Woman: Sorry, I don’t really…

British Gordo:  Thank you so much for your time. Let me ask you, ma’am. Can I ask you, why do Brit-

Woman: [foreign language]

British Gordo: -Brits find it so impossible, so utterly confounding, this befuddlement in the American football matters? Do you understand American football?

Woman:  No.

British Gordo:  Do you care to understand it?

Woman:  No.

British Gordo:  Not at all? That is indeed the experience that I’m having here on the street. What is it about our gray matter that seems to not be able to handle having a go at ten yards at a time with a four try?

Woman:  I have no idea.

British Gordo:  Neither do many other Brits, Musers. I tell you, it’s very strange to see this. Let me ask you, sir. Advancing towards the golden H of the rectangular painted pasture known as the end zone being the goal, is this something that you see the Cowboys accomplishing time after time this weekend? Yes? No? A simple answer will do, sir. Thank you.

Man:  I don’t know what you’re talking about.

British Gordo:  Thank you so much for your time. You can see the mood here, Musers, is one of absolute annoyance. These people seem very annoyed that the Dallas Cowboys are actually in town. Why this clear tommyrot of use of power structure in which we experience the visage of the owner, the proprietor, the agent, structurally-altered owner of the Dallas football club, descending into the periphery of the pitch to communicate with the field manager in a way that upsets fans and visiting supporters alike. What do you have to say on that, sir?

Man:  Nothing.

British Gordo:  Not a thing? Does it bother you to see Jerry Jones on the sidelines?

Man:  Nothing at all.

British Gordo:  I completely agree, sir. Completely agree. Well, you can see, Musers, once again I’ve proven that Londoners hate the Dallas football Cowboys. Thank you for your time and your pleasant countenance. For Ticket Sport Channel 1, reporting live from the carriageway of the queen, I’m British Gordo. To Craig the Miller and George William II in the presenter’s booth, cheerio and God bless.

##End of transcription##



The Penalty Kick that sent #DTID faithful into a frenzy

Walker Zim PK sequence_sm

Walker Zimmerman’s penalty kick was epic. Not only was it an incredible strike with blazing pace, it was the final goal that gave FC Dallas the win over the Seattle Sounders in the 2nd leg of the Western Conference semifinals. This photo is a montage of the 5 images my camera captured during Walker’s kick. I only wish I had kept shooting to capture his death stare while his teammates stormed the box to celebrate the win.

Bad Radio talks FC Dallas and MLS Playoffs

Bad Radio spent a solid 10 minutes discussing the MLS playoff format and the scenarios at play for FC Dallas to win the 2-leg series with Seattle Sounders.

If you’re looking for a unique gift the for a soccer fan in your life, we highly recommend Soccer Icon Shirts, the soccer shirts you can wear to work.  We have several colors and styles to choose from.  Remember, you don’t love polo–you love soccer.

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We Can Win!

As a 20-year fan of FC Dallas, and an even longer fan of Rod Stewart, when I heard the song “We Can Win” on Rod’s  new album “Another Country,” I knew the song was perfect for a soccer video. Rod wrote the song for his beloved Celtic, and I now use the song for my beloved FC Dallas.  A mashup of FCD’s gameday intro video and highlights from throughout the year, I hope this video inspires FC Dallas supporters and especially the players to know that “we can win” MLS Cup! Enjoy…

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A Super Special Kickaround Podcast!

Yes, our leaders in soccer talk have gone above and beyond for us P1s for soccer talk. The Kickaround may have been pre-empted Saturday afternoon, but that didn’t stop Peter Welpton and Andy Swift from talking soccer and all that implies. They’ve recorded a web-only edition of their award-winning soccer talk show. What makes this episode super special isn’t just that they took time to record it on a Monday, but because it was recorded AFTER all the #DecisionDay action was completed, which gives us extra time to listen to show that’s current in all its discussions.

As they said on the episode, when 2 or more P1sFST (especially the great Steve Davis–himself a highly regarded soccer talker) request a special podcast, they deliver…because soccer talk is special to a lot that goes on where we live today sports!

Listen as Peter and Andy start off by discussing the big FC Dallas game, record-breaking season, and playoff scenarios. Listen as Andy, soccer genius that he is, figures out a way to take Ezequiel Cirigliano–the most difficult to pronounce name on the FC Dallas roster–and makes it “EZ”. (Rock me!) I move to make this the official nickname of our Argentinian midfielder.

After copious amounts of FC Dallas and MLS talk, the dive into EPL and other standard Kickaround topics.

To listen, either go to Peter’s I’ve Got the News blog or go to Stitcher (my podcast delivery method of choice).

kickaround on stitcher

And be sure to thank the guys for providing the soccer talk we all want and deserve!

Bob Sturm on FC Dallas’ “Historic” Western Conference #1 Seed

Bob Sturm did play-by-play for FC Dallas’ victory over Real Salt Lake Saturday night and spent quality time Monday on Bad Radio discussing the historic nature of FCD’s season. Most noteworthy, according to Sturm and most observers, is the fact that FC Dallas has earned the #1 seed in the Western Conference with the lowest payroll in the league, and he discusses that fact in depth. Most noteworthy according to me is Dan’s accomplishment of engaging in soccer talk with apparent slight interest in the conversation and refraining from overly snide remarks about the sport.

A great moment near the end of the segment is Jake Kemp proclaiming, “I’ve been to an FC Dallas game, and it is one of the best live sports experiences I’ve ever had. I promise if you went out there you would have fun.”

Enjoy the audio:

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What are the Rules for Supporting Your “2nd Wife” Club?

Support in sports is usually something we are born into and is geographically based. My dad grew up in Dallas and was Cowboys fan, so I’m a Cowboys fan, and so is my son. When a new soccer league was born in 1996, I naturally became a Dallas Burn fan because it was my hometown team. That team is now FC Dallas, and it’s my children’s favorite team, too.

As an FC Dallas fan, you’ll never catch me cheering on any other MLS team, except in cases where some other team’s victory helps my team (or where one team is Houston dynamoes, in which case I’ll always be cheering for their opponent). And I’ll certainly never be wearing a jersey of any MLS team but FC Dallas. I would just feel dirty…like I’m cheating on my wife. It simply isn’t done.

Which brings me to EPL club support. When regular EPL coverage started appearing on my TV about 5 years ago, I quickly learned the big legendary clubs and I followed them all. As an impartial observer, I had no particular rooting interest, other than rooting for lots of goals and against any player that did something obnoxious (I’m talking to you, Joey Barton!). I began a small collection of EPL jerseys by buying or being given the shirts of Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, and Manchester United. After all, those were the teams on TV every week. Plus, since I was already “married” to FC Dallas, I didn’t feel the need to be monogamous with any one EPL side.

I’ve since come to accept that fans are encouraged to declare allegiance to one beloved club. It’s seen as critical to one’s enjoyment of the beautiful game on Saturday and Sunday mornings. It’s perfectly acceptable to have one “wife” in the US league, and another legal “wife” in the English league. Using that analogy, it would seem having a 2nd favorite team in the same league would be like having a mistress, which is obviously unethical.

So my quandary is this: since I have officially announced that I support Liverpool and want to see them succeed above all other EPL teams, am I now banned from wearing my other EPL jerseys in public? Does wearing my Man Utd jersey reflect poorly on my fondness for LFC? Am I cheating on my wife, as it were, to publicly display other EPL team colors on my person? Those jerseys weren’t cheap, and they still have plenty of useful life, so I want to keep wearing them, but something feels a little improper in doing so.

Of course, as a US American with the God-given freedom to wear any shirt I wish (although, I know I would be punching my ticket to Hades to even consider donning a dynamoes jersey, which I would never do, obviously), what are the protocols? Considering EPL is my 2nd favorite league behind that of my hometown club, is it OK to declare allegiance to one EPL club, yet still wear jerseys of other EPL clubs? Or do you try to find good homes for your “side kits” so they can be worn proudly by someone who loves them more than you do?

Your advice in this weighty sports matter will be most appreciated and taken under advisement.

Supporting soccer by encouraging P1s to demand soccer talk on the Ticket